在申请剧增的情态下，美国顶尖大学的门槛越筑越高。
据哈佛最新招生情况统计：
今年，共有 54,008 名学生申请哈佛，最终共有1,937名学生获得哈佛录取，录取率已连续多年低于5%，今年为历史第三低3.59%，最低纪录为2022年（3.19%）。
在有限的申请材料中，如何让招生官透过文字就对你产生兴趣？一封诚意满满的申请文书就显得十分关键。
要知道，申请文书就像专属于你的一张名片。你看问题的角度，你的个性、你的特点、以及你的学术兴趣，都会跃然于你的文字之间。
那么，在上万份申请文书中，什么样的故事可以打动哈佛招生官呢？
今日，哈佛大学依照惯例隆重公布了最新的“2024年10篇成功申请哈佛的优秀申请文书范例”。
在公布的申请文书中，有亚裔家庭移民的故事，也有动物园、烤饼干，以及征服滑板的故事。学生们通过这些这一个个小故事，让招生官生动形象地看到了他们的成长经历/背景，了解他们内心世界与思考角度，从而挑选出最适合哈佛的学生。
在这里，老师也从这10篇优秀的申请文书中，挑选了2篇进行分享：
01、Michelle's Essay
主题：#亚裔、韩国、移民故事。作者采用“Fish Out of Water”俚语开头，这句话翻译是，鱼离开水，意指不得其所，形容一个人处于不熟悉且不舒适的环境之中，十分不自在。借此描述了他在10岁时，随父母从韩国移民到美国伊利诺伊州生活的故事。
Successful Harvard Essay
Fish Out of Water
idiom. a person who is in an unnatural environment; completely out of place.
俚语：一个处于不自然环境中的人；完全格格不入的人。
When I was ten, my dad told me we were moving to somewhere called "Eely-noise." The screen flashed blue as he scrolled through 6000 miles of water on Google Earth to find our new home. Swipe, swipe, swipe, and there it was: Illinois, as I later learned.
我十岁那年，爸爸告诉我，我们要搬到一个叫 "Eely-noise "的地方。当他在谷歌地球上滚动浏览 6000 英里的水域，寻找我们的新家时，屏幕闪烁着蓝光。滑动，滑动，滑动，就到了：伊利诺伊州，我后来才知道。
Moving to America was like going from freshwater into saltwater. Not only did my mom complain that American food was too salty, but I was helplessly caught in an estuary of languages, swept by daunting tides of tenses, articles, and homonyms. It's not a surprise that I developed an intense, breathless kind of thirst for what I now realize is my voice and self-expression.
搬到美国就像是从淡水进入咸水。不仅我妈妈抱怨美国食物太咸，我也无助地陷入了语言的河口，被令人生畏的时态、冠词和同音词弄得头晕目眩。难怪我产生了一种极度渴望的感觉，现在我才明白，那是我想要表达自己声音和情感的渴望。
This made sense because the only background I had in English was “Konglish”--an unhealthy hybrid of Korean and English--and broken phrases I picked up from SpongeBob. As soon as I stepped into my first class in America, I realized the gravity of the situation: I had to resort to clumsy pantomimes, or what I euphemistically called body language, to convey the simplest messages. School became an unending game of pictionary.
其实也很正常，毕竟我的英文基础只有“Konglish（韩式英语）”——韩语和英语混合体——还有从《海绵宝宝》里学来的断断续续的片段。第一次走进美国教室时就意识到事情严重性：我必须得用笨拙手势或者委婉称之为肢体语言传达最简单信息。学校变成了一场无休止的猜谜游戏。
Amid the dizzying pool of vowels and phonemes and idioms (why does spilling beans end friendships?), the only thing that made sense was pictures and diagrams. Necessarily, I soon became interested in biology as its textbook had the highest picture-to-text ratio. Although I didn't understand all the ant-like captions, the colorful diagrams were enough to catch my illiterate attention: a green ball of chyme rolling down the digestive tract, the rotor of the ATP synthase spinning like a waterwheel. Biology drew me with its ELL-friendliness and never let go.
在令人眼花缭乱的元音、辅音和俚语（为什么“泄露秘密”会破坏友谊？）中，唯一能使我理解的就是图片和图表。很快，我开始对生物学感兴趣，因为那本书插图比例最高！虽然我看不懂那些像蚂蚁一样的密密麻麻注释，但色彩鲜艳的图表足以吸引我这个文盲的注意力：绿色的食糜球在消化道里滚动，ATP合成酶的转子像水车一样旋转。生物课以其对英语语言学习者的友好吸引着我，从未放手。
I later learned in biology that when a freshwater fish goes in saltwater, it osmoregulates--it drinks a lot of water and urinates less. This used to hold true for my school day, when I constantly chugged water to fill awkward silences and lubricate my tongue to form better vowels. This habit in turn became a test of English-speaking and bladder control: I constantly missed the timing to go to the bathroom by worrying about how to ask. The only times I could express myself were through my fingers, between the pages of Debussy and under my pencil tip. To fulfill my need for self-expression and communication, I took up classical music, visual art, and later, creative writing. To this day, I will never forget the ineffable excitement when I delivered a concerto, finished a sculpture, and found beautiful words that I could not pronounce. If biology helped me understand, art helped me be understood.
后来我在生物学课上学到，当淡水鱼进入咸水时，它会通过调节体内的盐分和水分来保持体内的盐分浓度平衡——喝大量水少尿排出等等。这跟我曾经上学时的情况如出一辙，我经常不停地喝水来填补尴尬的沉默，并润湿舌头发好发清楚元音。这种习惯反过来成了英语口才和膀胱控制能力的考验：我总是因为担心如何询问而错过上厕所的时间。我唯一能表达自己的方式是通过手指——在德彪西（Debussy）的曲谱页和笔尖之下创作。于是，为了满足自我表达和沟通的需要，我开始接触古典音乐、视觉艺术，甚至是后来开始创作文学作品。直到今天，我仍然无法忘记当我演奏完一首协奏曲、完成一件雕塑、找到那些我无法发出却美丽的词汇时，带给我的那种难以言喻的激动之情。如果说生物学帮助我理解世界，那么艺术就是帮助我被世界所理解。
There's something human, empathetic, even redemptive about both art and biology. While they helped me reconcile with English and my new home, their power to connect and heal people is much bigger than my example alone. In college and beyond, I want to pay them forward, whether by dedicating myself to scientific research, performing in benefit concerts, or simply sharing the beauty of the arts. Sometimes, language feels slippery like fish on my tongue. But knowing that there are things that transcend language grounds and inspires me. English seeped into my tongue eventually, but I still pursue biology and arts with the same, perhaps universal, exigency and sincerity: to understand and to be understood.
艺术和生物学都有着人性、共情甚至救赎的力量。它们不仅帮助我适应英语和新家，而且其连接和治愈人们的力量远远超出了我的个人例子。在大学乃至以后的日子里，我希望能将这种力量传递下去，无论是通过投身科学研究，参加公益音乐会演出，还是仅仅分享艺术的美好。有时候，语言感觉像舌尖上的滑鱼，难以捉摸。但知道有超越语言的东西存在，让我感到踏实和受到鼓舞。英语最终渗透进了我的舌头，但我仍然以同样的，或许是普遍的，迫切和真诚的态度追求生物学和艺术：理解世界，也被世界所理解。
Over the years, I have come to acknowledge and adore my inner fish, that confused, tongue-twistedand home-sick ELL kid from the other side of the world, which will forever coexist within me. And I've forgiven English, although I still can't pronounce words like “rural,” because it gifted me with new passions to look forward to every day. Now, when I see kids with the same breathless look that I used to have gasping for home water, Don't worry, I want to tell them.
多年来，我逐渐认识到并爱上了我内心的“鱼”，那个来自世界另一端、迷茫、舌头打结、思乡的ELL（英语学习者）孩子，它将永远与我共存。我也原谅了英语，尽管我仍然无法正确发音“rural”这个词，因为它给了我每天期待的新激情。现在，每当我看到孩子们像我过去渴望回家的水时露出的紧张表情，我都想对他们说：
You'll find your water.
“别担心，你们会找到自己的水域的。”
招生官评语
Michelle's essay offers the reader a picturesque and witty journey through their immigrant experience of adapting to their new life in Illinois (Eely-noise!).
Michelle的文章为读者呈现了一段生动有趣、引人入胜的旅程，讲述了他们作为移民适应伊利诺伊州新生活的经历（Eely-noise！）。
While some immigrant experience essays can come across as predictable, Michelle deftly crafts an extended metaphor using the idiom of a “fish out of water” to connect their passions for both biology and art with their evolving struggle to master English.
虽然有些移民经历文章可能显得平淡无奇，但Michelle巧妙地利用“Fish Out of Water”的俚语，构建了一个延伸的隐喻，将他对生物学和艺术的热爱与他学习英语到掌握英语的不断发展联系起来。
The uniqueness comes in the candid and often humorous depictions of Michelle's everyday struggles with language, from initially resorting to “clumsy pantomimes” to signal an intent to go to the bathroom to their “ineffable excitement” at finding beautiful new words to express themselves, showcasing Michelle's eventual growth into an articulate writer in full command of the English language.
文章的独特之处在于坦率而幽默地描述了Michelle每天与语言斗争的经历，从最初用“肢体语言”来表示想上厕所，到找到美丽的新词来表达自己时“难以言喻的兴奋”，展示出Michelle米歇尔最终成长为一位能熟练运用英语的作家。
Michelle's diverse passions, ranging from music, to art, to biology, are on full display in this essay, but what's most impressive is Michelle's nuanced and introspective journaling of adapting to American life and culture. It's evident that Michelle genuinely loves writing and relishes finding the right words to convey their thoughts, showcasing their tenacity and love of learning.
这篇文章充分展示了米歇尔对音乐、艺术、生物学等各种兴趣的热爱，但最令人印象深刻的是米歇尔对适应美国生活和文化的细致入微和内省的记录。显然，Michelle真心热爱写作，并乐于找到合适的词语来表达自己的想法，展示自己的毅力和对学习的热爱。
Michelle's sincere exuberance for growing as a writer and artist shines throughout this essay, with a warmth and humor that's infectious.
Michelle对成长为作家和艺术家的真诚热情贯穿了整篇文章，温暖而幽默，极具感染力。
02、Francisco's Essay
主题：本篇文章描述了他参与麻省理工学院的少数族裔工程与科学入门 (MITES) 项目的经历。
Successful Harvard Essay
Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.
在我准备登上飞机前往美国度过6周时间的前三天，我彻底戒掉了牛奶。我去脊椎按摩师那里做了一次全身检查。我知道我有脊柱侧弯和其他问题；然而，我了解到，由于我过度摄入牛奶，我的身体出现了激素失衡。为了我的健康，我决定完全戒掉喝牛奶，并尽可能不喝乳制品。我当时不知道，这只是一个夏天改变的开始；三天后，我就坐上了去马萨诸塞州参加 "少数族裔工程与科学入门"（MITES）项目的飞机。
I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I've never met in a place I've never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today's theme was, “what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn't be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn't care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn't even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we're going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.
由于我过去的经历，我以为大多数人都会有不健康的好胜心。我以为我可以独来独往，做好自己的工作，回来后也不会有什么不同。我和 80 个素不相识的人住在一栋楼里，在一个我从未去过的地方，同时还要做出重大的生活方式改变，这并不容易。最初的几天我并不好过：我得了轻微的胃溃疡，感觉很尴尬，也觉得格格不入。然而，第一个周四晚上，这一切都开始改变了。每周四晚上，我们有“家庭会议”，在这个特别的周四，我们机器学习班的一部分在一起工作，时间到了，我们要去食堂参加这个“家庭会议”。老实说，一开始我们都很害怕，"我还有工作要做 "是最常见的一句话。后来我们才知道，"家庭会议 "是一个安全的空间，我们可以无所不谈。今天的主题是 "在你的身份中，有什么重要的东西让你与众不同？"但话题很快就发展到了更多方面。大家谈到了失去家人、在家里被人冷落、对自己的身份感到不自在等等。很多人都敞开了心扉，讲述了许多令人难以置信的个人隐私，我很荣幸能得到大家这样的信任。会议结束时，房间里充满了同情和温暖。
在我的余光中，我看到机器学习班的同学伊兹（Izzy）急匆匆地跑回会议室。我意识到事情有些不对劲。我本能地跟着她回到了我们工作的地方。Izzy 坐了下来，情绪立刻崩溃了，她开始诉说自己出了什么问题，我们其他人也都围了过来。我感觉胸口好像压着一辆救护车，呼吸短促而急促。我害怕；害怕我的支持不够好，害怕表现出我的关心，害怕他们不关心我。在这一瞬间，我所有的不安全感都浮出了水面，有些甚至是我自己都不知道的。大家的支持和拥抱打破了低声抽泣的沉寂。我们都开始分享自己的经历，甚至是一些过去的创伤。慢慢地，我胸中的重担卸下了。我感到舒适，感到被需要，感到安全。
This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don't feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.
这是我第一次真正感到自信、强大和被爱。我周围都是比我聪明的人，但我并不因此而感到自卑。我变成了真正的Francisco，或者他们叫我Cisco。现在的我，在任何时候都是毫无保留的自己。这种差别简直是白天和黑夜。随着项目的进展，我感到更加舒适和安全，甚至可以在家庭会议上发言。这些人，这个家庭，对我很好。我获得了无价的自信、社交技巧、自我价值感、同理心和坚韧不拔的精神，这些都将伴随我度过余生。在经历了这一切之后，不知怎么的，减少饮食中最大的一部分，反倒成了我暑假中影响最小的一部分。
招生官评语
Francisco's essay, "Three Days Before I Got on a Plane," describes his involvement in the Minority Introduction to Engineering and Science (MITES) program at M.I.T., which serves as the backdrop for his introspective voyage. The story starts with a seemingly minor decision—giving up milk for health reasons—but it soon turns into a metaphor for the life-changing events that transpire. The essay skillfully makes use of this internal transformation to set up a summer that would fundamentally alter Francisco's perception of himself and his interactions with others. He is first nervous about the MITES program because he anticipates a very competitive setting that would make him feel even more alone. The physical and psychological difficulties he encounters early in the program—such as minor stomach ulcers and a strong sense of alienation—reinforce this worry.
Francisco的文书《上飞机前三天》描述了他参与麻省理工学院少数族裔工程与科学入门项目（MITES）的经历，该项目是他自省之旅的背景。故事从一个看似微不足道的决定开始--出于健康原因放弃喝牛奶--但很快就变成了一个隐喻，寓意着改变人生的事件接踵而至。这篇文章巧妙地利用了这一内在转变，为Francisco将从根本上改变他对自己的认识以及与他人的交往的夏天做了铺垫。他一开始对 MITES 项目感到紧张，因为他预计竞争会非常激烈，会让他感到更加孤独。他在项目初期遇到的生理和心理上的困难--比如轻微的胃溃疡和强烈的疏离感--更加剧了他的担忧。
But at the program's weekly "Family Meetings," which are meant to encourage candid conversation and support among members, the story takes a dramatic turn. Here is when Francisco undergoes a significant transformation. One meeting's theme, "what's something important about your identity that makes you unique?" expands into increasingly detailed, intimate revelations, turning the gathering into an environment of empathy and vulnerability. Francisco is extremely touched by the candor with which his peers have shared their personal issues, and this prompts him to reconsider how he approaches the program and his peers in general.
但是，在该计划每周一次的 "家庭会议 "上，故事发生了戏剧性的转变。"家庭会议 "的目的是鼓励成员之间进行坦诚的交谈并提供支持。Francisco在这里发生了重大转变。一次会议的主题是 "你的身份中有什么重要的东西让你与众不同？"会议上，Francisco透露了越来越多的细节和隐私，将会议变成了一个充满共鸣和温馨的环境。Francisco对同龄人坦诚分享个人问题深有感触，这促使他重新考虑如何对待这个项目和他的同龄人。
Francisco's essay does a fantastic job of illustrating how community and candid conversation can have a significant impact on personal development.
Francisco的文章出色地说明了社区和坦诚的谈话如何对个人发展产生重大影响。
His experience serves as a testament to both the value of safe spaces in learning environments and the transformational potential of empathy. By the time the essay comes to an end, Francisco has grown as a person and acknowledges that he is now "the true Francisco," or "Cisco" as his friends call him. He highlights how this experience has given him the confidence to be authentically himself and has given him priceless social skills, self-worth, and emotional fortitude that he will use throughout his life.
他的经历既证明了学习环境中安全空间的价值，也证明了换位思考的变革潜力。文章结束时，Francisco已经成长为一个真正的人，他承认自己现在是 "真正的Francisco"，朋友们都叫他 "Cisco"。他强调了这段经历如何让他有信心做真实的自己，并给了他无价的社交技能、自我价值和情感坚韧，他将终生受用。
Although Francisco's essay effectively recounts a transformative summer experience, it could be enhanced by the inclusion of additional personal details and background information to provide a more comprehensive understanding of his life and experiences. Valuable context could be provided by including specifications about his initial interest in engineering and science or his prior experiences with competitiveness. Expanding on how the MITES program influenced his long-term goals would further enhance the essay. Additionally, elaborating on his relationships with peers both before and after the program would offer a clearer picture of his social growth. These additional details would create a more complete and compelling narrative—presenting Francisco as a multifaceted individual.
尽管 Francisco 的文章有效地讲述了一个变革性的夏季经历，但可以通过加入额外的个人细节和背景信息来增强文章的可读性，以便更全面地了解他的生活和经历。可以通过包括他对工程和科学的最初兴趣或他之前的竞争经历来提供有价值的背景信息。扩展 MITES 计划如何影响他的长期目标将进一步增强文章的可读性。此外，详细说明他在计划前后与同龄人的关系将更清楚地描绘出他的社交成长。这些额外的细节将创造一个更完整、更引人注目的叙述——将 Francisco 呈现为一个多面的个体。
【竞赛报名/项目咨询+微信：mollywei007】
