前两天，在给一位同学写加州第六题文书的反馈中，我说，“虽然创意和讲述都不错，但很遗憾回答不够切题，需重点表达的内容也没有点明。”换句话说，就是作文写得不错，但招生官可能在阅读它时找不到想要的东西。说出来你也许不信，这样的情况还颇多。
其实，文书指导工作中的“修改润色”，并没有大家想得那么高大上，如果你非要来问我，我会毫不掩饰的说，有百分之八十的工作，是把文书“修改”得切题，把语言“润色”得直白（话讲明白）。不能怪同学们。
怪就怪那些浮夸的宣传和这个太卷的社会。在这样的竞争环境和巨大压力下，人人都在极力展现自己最好最优秀的一面，以至于be yourself被视为官话丢到一旁。而当题目被看成借此发挥的跳板时，它们具体在问什么似乎就变得不那么重要。
而这只是开始。困难的是“修改润色”。而“修改润色”中，最困难的并不是缺乏经验和水平，而是狠不下心。福克纳说，删改自己的写作就等于“kill your darlings”。连作家都难以对付这个心魔，同学们不容易听进意见，不舍得删改是再也正常不过的事情。
我自己也有这样的经历。经过巧妙构思和认真思考，一字一字写出文章来，我是有成就感的，也是轻易不言修改的。即使别人说得很有道理，我不记恨他便罢了，但要我“kill my darlings”我恐怕做不到。所以我也成为不了作家。貌似铺垫太多了，回到今天的主题。
研究过具体要求的同学会发现，UCAS文书、加州第六题和Why Major文书都是在讲述专业兴趣。不同的是，UCAS文书篇幅长，同学们围绕自己专业兴趣的由来、发展、成熟和此过程中的个人成长可以写很多具体内容，可以有一些故事情节。
相比之下另外两个篇幅短（Why Major也有长的），就写不下太多东西。所以，对于英美同申的同学，一般先写UCAS文书，然后在此基础上删改获得加州第六题和Why Major文书。
这是一个看似节约时间和精力的好办法。但实际上，却暗藏陷阱。如前面所讲，删改不仅考验水平，更需要勇气，很多时候我们扭扭捏捏弄了半天，最后对删改后的文书，只能安慰自己还行，毕竟自己的孩子，多看几眼也就顺眼了。因此，我强烈建议同学们重新写加州第六题和Why Major文书。
由于写作主题相同，所以在写UCAS文书时列出的素材和思路可以借鉴，但由于篇幅不同以及招生官的考量不同（美本中专业兴趣文书只是文书中的一小部分）等因素，加州第六题和Why Major文书的写作风格和UCAS文书可能会大不一样。其中有两点需特别重视：一是切题。
不是说UCAS文书就可以不切题，而是因为篇幅长，要写偏不容易，偏了也没那么明显。但对于短篇幅的文书，特别是从长篇幅一路纠结删改下来的，就很容易忽视题目，比如加州第六题明确问如何在课内课外进一步发展专业兴趣的，同学们就不要因为舍不得UCAS文书写的故事情节而模糊了对问题的老实回答。二是表述。直白非常重要。
第一段就开门见山，不建议描述场景带入了（即使UCAS文书，也慎用）。直白的开头是对招生官的尊重，写得好一样有hook的作用。然后，围绕专业兴趣做了哪些事，具体有怎样的发现，有怎样的收获，未来打算怎样，把事情一件件联系起来，写清楚，而前因后果往往一两句就总结了，不要铺垫太多。
在这里，直截了当、言之有物比生动的故事情节重要太多。所以，与其删改UCAS文书用作加州第六题和Why Major文书，不如把素材和思路整理出来，换个风格重写一遍。
以下是牛津文书的例文和翻译：
“It’s just a frog,” I thought, but no matter how I tried to convince myself of that fact, I didn’t find it any easier to dissect. I was disappointed in myself because I thought that a scientist should be dispassionate, logical, and capable of dealing with any sentimental subject in an objective fashion. Yet there was the frog, my scalpel poised dramatically above its little, amphibian torso. I was almost paralysed with sympathy, and I began to fear that I would never be a scientist.“
它只是一只青蛙，”我想，但无论我如何努力说服自己，我都没有发现解剖它更容易。我对自己很失望，因为我认为一个科学家应该是冷静的，有逻辑的，能够客观地处理任何感性的问题。然而那只青蛙就在那里，我的手术刀戏剧性地悬在它小小的两栖动物躯干上。我几乎被同情麻痹了，我开始担心我永远不会成为一名科学家。
When I was young, I would wander the woods, sketching plants and animals before looking them up at home. I am happiest when I am learning something new – even if it means unlearning a truth I “knew” the day before. I had loved labs and experiments, but I had hit the wall of dissection. Could I take these creatures apart? I love learning about them, but how could I slice them open?
小时候，我会在树林里漫步，先画下动植物的素描，然后回家去看它们。当我学习新东西的时候，我是最快乐的——即使这意味着要抛掉我前一天“知道”的真理。我喜欢实验室和实验，但我遇到了解剖的瓶颈。我能把这些生物分解吗?我喜欢了解它们，但我怎么能把它们切开呢?
I told my friend Jeremiah that I wasn’t going to dissect the bullfrog. I would drop the course and do something else with my life. “I’ll help,” he said, “Come on.”With his support and encouragement, I made the first cut and couldn’t believe what I saw; I was entranced by the intricacy of the frog. Being able to see and understand nature from an insider’s perspective, so to speak, was no longer “gross,” and my curiosity finally kicked in.
我告诉我的朋友耶利米我不打算解剖牛蛙。我会放弃这门课，做点别的事情。“我来帮忙，”他说，“来吧。”在他的支持和鼓励下，我切下拉了第一刀，我简直不敢相信我所看到的。我被这只复杂的青蛙迷住了。可以说，能够从一个圈内人的角度去观察和理解自然，不再是“恶心的”，我的好奇心终于开始发挥作用了。
As I continued in biology, through lab experiments, dissections and investigations, I found myself reversing my position on the mentality of the scientist. It is not that we must be dispassionate, but that we must intimately feel a connection with the natural world. We are a part of this world – as perfectly slotted into our evolutionary position as any other creature. More excited than ever, I joined a biology club in our city where I was surrounded by biologists of all ages – amateur and professional – and I grew immensely. I was even awarded 1st place in a biology Olympiad.
随着我继续学习生物学，通过实验室实验、解剖和调查，我发现自己对科学家心态的看法发生了逆转。这并不是说我们必须保持冷静，而是说我们必须亲密地感受到与自然世界的联系。我们是这个世界的一部分——就像其他生物一样，完美地进入了我们的进化历程。比以往任何时候都兴奋的是，我加入了我们城市的一个生物学俱乐部，在那里我被各种年龄的生物学家包围着——业余的和专业的——我成长了很多。我甚至在生物奥林匹克竞赛中获得了第一名。
I believe that a truly successful scientist is one who finds harmony in the natural world, not one who exploits it, and I have had several conversations with my laboratory instructor on these points. He agreed with me, and we have been working on a rubric to create a more nature-friendly approach to the science curriculum at our school. He was already quite nature-conscious, but we both agree that we could be doing more to minimise our ecological footprints.
我相信，一个真正成功的科学家是在自然世界中发现和谐的人，而不是利用和谐的人。关于这些问题，我已经和我的实验室导师谈过几次了。他同意我的观点，我们一直在制定一个大纲，在我们学校的科学课程中创造一种更加自然友好的方法。他已经非常关注自然了，但我们都认为我们可以做更多的事情来减少我们对生态的影响。
My dream job is one that helps to balance human interaction with nature on a global scale, to fight climate change and ensure the survival of all natural species. I hope to study the natural sciences at Oxford to bring this about. I believe that my journey is one of lifelong learning, a concept stressed at your school. I am also interested in your research in sustainable urban development. I think that co-existing with nature is one of the all-important issues for humanity and for an aspiring biologist. I want to contribute to a world where, even if we dissect frogs, we do so with a sense of responsibility, not callous indifference.
我梦想的工作是在全球范围内平衡人类与自然的互动，应对气候变化，确保所有自然物种的生存。我希望通过在牛津大学学习自然科学来实现这一目标。我相信我的旅程是一个终身学习的过程，这也是贵校所强调的概念。我对您在城市可持续发展方面的研究也很感兴趣。我认为与自然共存是人类和一个有抱负的生物学家最重要的问题之一。我想为这样一个世界做出贡献:即使我们解剖青蛙，我们也要带着一种责任感，而不是冷漠无情。
以下是加州第六题文书的例文和翻译：
The academic subject from which I draw the most inspiration is US Government and Politics. My interest in understanding the process through which our country’s government affects every individual stems from observing the material I learned in the classroom applied in a real world setting.
我最受启发的学术科目是美国政府与政治。我之所以有兴趣了解我们国家的政府是如何影响每一个人的，是因为我把在课堂上学到的知识应用到现实生活中。
My interest in the subject encouraged me to enroll in the Advanced Placement course. One of the topics discussed that spoke to me most is the power of political participation. Inspired by this particular lesson, I practiced my activism by applying for an internship at the office of my district’s congressman, Matt Dababneh. There, I spent four months answering phone calls, filing papers, and reading letters, and learned the importance of community relations, social skills, and organizational skills needed to thrive in politics.
我对这门学科的兴趣促使我报读大学先修课程。我最感兴趣的话题之一是政治参与的力量。受到这一特殊课程的启发，我通过申请在我所在地区的国会议员马特·达巴内的办公室实习来实践我的行动主义。在那里，我花了四个月的时间接听电话、整理文件、阅读信件，并学会了社区关系、社交技巧和组织技巧的重要性，这些都是在政治中茁壮成长所必需的。
Following the completion of my internship, I continued my community involvement by joining my school’s student council, where I was selected by the administration to become class representative. My duties were similar to that of my internship, where I addressed complaints from students and moderated them directly to the administration. One example was when a group of students approached me regarding the lack of a mock trial class at our school. I gathered signatures, wrote a letter of request, and took the matter to the principal. My community participation led the school to offer a mock trial class to all middle and high school students.
实习结束后，我继续参与社区活动，加入了学校的学生会，并被行政部门选为班级代表。我的职责与实习时类似，负责处理学生的投诉，并直接向行政部门投诉。一个例子是，一群学生来找我，因为我们学校缺少模拟审判课。我收集了签名，写了一封请求信，然后把这件事交给了校长。由于我的社区参与，学校为所有初高中学生开设了模拟审判课程。
At the University of California, I intend to pursue a major in Political Science to further my understanding of politics and the impact of each individual on policymaking. Furthermore, I am compelled to participate in student government upon my acceptance to UC schools in order to exercise my interests in a much larger and diverse community of students.
在加州大学，我打算攻读政治学专业，以进一步了解政治以及每个人对政策制定的影响。此外，在我被加州大学录取后，我一定会参加学生会，在一个更大、更多样化的学生群体中发挥我的特长。
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